![Contradictions: The Book.
Intro
Well, I have something called a problem that I didn’t realize was a problem. So I wrote a book.
Chapter 1
I’m a big skeptic. I don’t believe in anything except hunger (for food and for stories). But I enjoy getting scared by the idea of ghosts and spirits (never demons, that’s crazy talk!) I enjoy visiting so-called haunted houses and going ghost-hunting and watching spooky movies and TV programs; in fact, I make it a point to do these things more than I would, say, make my bed.
But some of my favorite writers are skeptics, and I admire and agree with their thoughts on pseudo-science and the paranormal. When I would tell Michaelito about this dissonance, I would say, “Well, I attribute it to being like riding a roller coaster: it’s adrenaline-inducing, this permission to be flung at such high velocities, you might even pray to a God you realize you now have seconds to befriend, and your stomach feels shriveled with fear, but it’s an illusion. You’re not really going to die. And you know it.”
Chapter 2
But, when I started thinking about it, I realized this analogy doesn’t work; it is not at all like riding a roller-coaster, because, well, you actually COULD die, amusement park artifice is tinged with the possibility of real danger, and, more importantly, I’m terrified of heights. When I go on a roller-coaster I’m placing a bet, I’m gambling that my fear of falling to the ground at great speed is irrational; it’s me saying, “Today, I’m going to the brink of my actual terror and I’m going to LAUGH at it.”
Chapter 3
What the situation regarding my hobbyhorr[or]s[1] actually is: it is like being wholly left-wing and attending right-wing dinners and donating to right-wing campaigns because you enjoy any feeling of camaraderie and tasty food. I thought to myself, If I ever meet Michael Shermer, I’m going to have to shake his hand and then run and hide. And that’s no way to live.
Chapter 4
The worst part is that I genuinely get scared when I go ghost-hunting or watch horror movies. I was watching the greatest show ever earlier this weekend, lamenting that it’s been months since I last saw the second greatest show ever starring my boyfriend Jonathan Frakes, and I thought about what induces fear (the kind that makes me wonder aloud if I should maybe place a knife or clove of garlic near my pillow). How does my fear work? They say people fear the unknown, so am I more of a paranormagnostic[2] than a paranormatheist[3]?
Could Michael Shermer and I ever be friends?
Chapter 5
I gave it much thought, because it’s pretty important for me to be liked by smart people. I asked myself: what would I say if I were in put in a room with Richard Dawkins and any member of my family (they would call me out, that’s why).
To form my defense, I narrowed down certain criteria, usually requisite, that leads to me being afraid for longer than one second. I recommend skipping to Chapter 6 if I don’t end up deleting it, or go the Epilogue, because this part is mainly for me and is extremely boring.
I. What Is Scary To Me
The exploration of realistic territory (for example, serial killers especially) is infinitely much scarier than any suspenseful narrative, I don’t care if it’s amplified through a visual medium[4]. Someone vouching for a ghost story with their credibility straddles reality-land; hearing my friend or parent tell me about a freaky encounter may have me peering down a dark hallway later that night, eyes narrowed.
Also, the maneuver of putting two creepy stories next to each other, one “real” and one “not-real”, owns the precariousness of disbelief by making it a part of the narrative. These criteria, and a sprinkle of subtlety, make for TERROR ahhh.
Indeed, it becomes more apparent that the less information one is given, the more there is to scream about,
Why? Because what fear requires, above all, is imagination. And I got tons of it.
Chapter 6
The following, then, is what I would say in the aforementioned presupposed setting. In fact, let’s change it to one of those popular Cal-Tech lectures Michael Shermer gives, and where I did imagine shaking his hand for the first time, because whatever I can say to Richard Dawkins, I can say in front of a bunch of grad students.
SCENE
A crowded auditorium bustles with excitement. MICHAEL SHERMER stands behind a podium.
SHERMER: [takes a sip of water and adjusts his tie] And that concludes my lecture. I’ll be taking questions now.
ROCIO: [raises hand] Um, I don’t have a question, but I do have a comment. Well, several. Um, huge fan. Also, do you think you can sign my book? Oh, that comes later, yeah. Yes. Ummmm. Well, I guess I just want to say that I really think that thinking critically and being methodological is, like, really important, so I’m really grateful that reading your work, and others’ work too, helps me sharpen these tools. But I also feel a little bit guilty because I take such pleasure in things that don’t make sense. I actually didn’t start to feel guilty until yesterday, but once I realized how schizo I may sound, to skeptics and non-skeptics, I was, like, uh, well, gosh, I really have to find some way to not seem so schizo. Um, anyway, so that’s why I’m here, I just wanted to say that after thinking a lot, I thought you should know that even though I know better, I struggle with some weird pull toward that which makes, like, stuff interesting, and that’s why I gravitate to stupid stories. I can stay up all night worrying about my taxes or Afghanistan or I can stay up worrying about that sound underneath my be—what’s that? I’m taking up too much time? Ok. Ok, I love you, Mr. Shermer, but I also like The Ring, and Ring 2; so, good bye! Don’t forget to sign my book! And please add me on Facebook!
Epilogue
So, that’s it. This concludes “Contradictions: A Book” which doesn’t go into further explanations of the words Paranormagnostic, or zombies, or evolutionary biology and how we evolved to be afraid of the dark, or how the mind fills in gaps in linearality, or why I still haven’t learned how to make a jump link. Sequel coming then, and soon.
[1] Jazz hands!
[2] Patent Pending.
[3] Patent Pending.
[4] Major exceptions here, because these have themes and creepy music/sound design!](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lcdc9unMOs1qzxa5bo1_r2_250.jpg)
Contradictions: The Book.
- Intro
Well, I have something called a problem that I didn’t realize was a problem. So I wrote a book.
- Chapter 1
I’m a big skeptic. I don’t believe in anything except hunger (for food and for stories). But I enjoy getting scared by the idea of ghosts and spirits (never demons, that’s crazy talk!) I enjoy visiting so-called haunted houses and going ghost-hunting and watching spooky movies and TV programs; in fact, I make it a point to do these things more than I would, say, make my bed.
But some of my favorite writers are skeptics, and I admire and agree with their thoughts on pseudo-science and the paranormal. When I would tell Michaelito about this dissonance, I would say, “Well, I attribute it to being like riding a roller coaster: it’s adrenaline-inducing, this permission to be flung at such high velocities, you might even pray to a God you realize you now have seconds to befriend, and your stomach feels shriveled with fear, but it’s an illusion. You’re not really going to die. And you know it.”
- Chapter 2
But, when I started thinking about it, I realized this analogy doesn’t work; it is not at all like riding a roller-coaster, because, well, you actually COULD die, amusement park artifice is tinged with the possibility of real danger, and, more importantly, I’m terrified of heights. When I go on a roller-coaster I’m placing a bet, I’m gambling that my fear of falling to the ground at great speed is irrational; it’s me saying, “Today, I’m going to the brink of my actual terror and I’m going to LAUGH at it.”
- Chapter 3
What the situation regarding my hobbyhorr[or]s[1] actually is: it is like being wholly left-wing and attending right-wing dinners and donating to right-wing campaigns because you enjoy any feeling of camaraderie and tasty food. I thought to myself, If I ever meet Michael Shermer, I’m going to have to shake his hand and then run and hide. And that’s no way to live.
- Chapter 4
The worst part is that I genuinely get scared when I go ghost-hunting or watch horror movies. I was watching the greatest show ever earlier this weekend, lamenting that it’s been months since I last saw the second greatest show ever starring my boyfriend Jonathan Frakes, and I thought about what induces fear (the kind that makes me wonder aloud if I should maybe place a knife or clove of garlic near my pillow). How does my fear work? They say people fear the unknown, so am I more of a paranormagnostic[2] than a paranormatheist[3]?
Could Michael Shermer and I ever be friends?
- Chapter 5
I gave it much thought, because it’s pretty important for me to be liked by smart people. I asked myself: what would I say if I were in put in a room with Richard Dawkins and any member of my family (they would call me out, that’s why).
To form my defense, I narrowed down certain criteria, usually requisite, that leads to me being afraid for longer than one second. I recommend skipping to Chapter 6 if I don’t end up deleting it, or go the Epilogue, because this part is mainly for me and is extremely boring.
I. What Is Scary To Me
The exploration of realistic territory (for example, serial killers especially) is infinitely much scarier than any suspenseful narrative, I don’t care if it’s amplified through a visual medium[4]. Someone vouching for a ghost story with their credibility straddles reality-land; hearing my friend or parent tell me about a freaky encounter may have me peering down a dark hallway later that night, eyes narrowed.
Also, the maneuver of putting two creepy stories next to each other, one “real” and one “not-real”, owns the precariousness of disbelief by making it a part of the narrative. These criteria, and a sprinkle of subtlety, make for TERROR ahhh.
Indeed, it becomes more apparent that the less information one is given, the more there is to scream about,
Why? Because what fear requires, above all, is imagination. And I got tons of it.
- Chapter 6
The following, then, is what I would say in the aforementioned presupposed setting. In fact, let’s change it to one of those popular Cal-Tech lectures Michael Shermer gives, and where I did imagine shaking his hand for the first time, because whatever I can say to Richard Dawkins, I can say in front of a bunch of grad students.
SCENE
A crowded auditorium bustles with excitement. MICHAEL SHERMER stands behind a podium.
SHERMER: [takes a sip of water and adjusts his tie] And that concludes my lecture. I’ll be taking questions now.
ROCIO: [raises hand] Um, I don’t have a question, but I do have a comment. Well, several. Um, huge fan. Also, do you think you can sign my book? Oh, that comes later, yeah. Yes. Ummmm. Well, I guess I just want to say that I really think that thinking critically and being methodological is, like, really important, so I’m really grateful that reading your work, and others’ work too, helps me sharpen these tools. But I also feel a little bit guilty because I take such pleasure in things that don’t make sense. I actually didn’t start to feel guilty until yesterday, but once I realized how schizo I may sound, to skeptics and non-skeptics, I was, like, uh, well, gosh, I really have to find some way to not seem so schizo. Um, anyway, so that’s why I’m here, I just wanted to say that after thinking a lot, I thought you should know that even though I know better, I struggle with some weird pull toward that which makes, like, stuff interesting, and that’s why I gravitate to stupid stories. I can stay up all night worrying about my taxes or Afghanistan or I can stay up worrying about that sound underneath my be—what’s that? I’m taking up too much time? Ok. Ok, I love you, Mr. Shermer, but I also like The Ring, and Ring 2; so, good bye! Don’t forget to sign my book! And please add me on Facebook!
- Epilogue
So, that’s it. This concludes “Contradictions: A Book” which doesn’t go into further explanations of the words Paranormagnostic, or zombies, or evolutionary biology and how we evolved to be afraid of the dark, or how the mind fills in gaps in linearality, or why I still haven’t learned how to make a jump link. Sequel coming then, and soon.
[1] Jazz hands!
[2] Patent Pending.
[3] Patent Pending.
[4] Major exceptions here, because these have themes and creepy music/sound design!
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