![On Being A Saint
I’m trying to grow a new muscle, and it hurts. I’m trying to grow this new muscle as soon as possible so that I can exercise it and make it the biggest muscle in the world. I said aloud one day, “I was born without the ability to forgive, you guys”, but according to experts[1] no one is born with a forgiveness muscle. It is a learned virtue, much like washing your car or quelling road rage in Los Angeles[2] or sharing your spring rolls[3]or even not punching people in the face.
It’s important for me to grow this muscle because I can hold a grudge for all of ever. If in the misfortune of becoming a vampire, then, I’ll have a huge problem on my hands. I don’t like having problems. And I don’t like vampires, so.
What else is there to say… Oh. People go to church in order to grow these virtuous muscles, but I have a better plan. The idea is to run around and get into a lot of serious trouble and then hold out my hand in front of relevant persons and say, “I forgive you,” all breathlessly and with sweet tears in my eyes. Maybe I’ll also tap their foreheads lightly and feed them wafers. Maybe I’ll wear a lot of loose white garments and hats and gold chains, too. Actually, maybe I’ll just work on forgiving myself first. I have a hard time forgiving myself for just about everything. Example: I’m smacking the side of my head over and over and over and over and over, I can’t stop(!), and over and over because I left all my groceries in the grocery store this morning. I paid for them and then I just walked out. Who does that, I ask you. Only an idiot. Only an idiot does that! Haha! Dammit!
Ouch, growing muscles hurts.
But seriously though I really need to learn how to let things go.
[1] My family.
[2] I have very little virtue! It’s true!!
[3] But I do love to share everything, come on over!](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_le9hju3ipN1qzxa5bo1_250.jpg)
On Being A Saint
I’m trying to grow a new muscle, and it hurts. I’m trying to grow this new muscle as soon as possible so that I can exercise it and make it the biggest muscle in the world. I said aloud one day, “I was born without the ability to forgive, you guys”, but according to experts[1] no one is born with a forgiveness muscle. It is a learned virtue, much like washing your car or quelling road rage in Los Angeles[2] or sharing your spring rolls[3]or even not punching people in the face.
It’s important for me to grow this muscle because I can hold a grudge for all of ever. If in the misfortune of becoming a vampire, then, I’ll have a huge problem on my hands. I don’t like having problems. And I don’t like vampires, so.
What else is there to say… Oh. People go to church in order to grow these virtuous muscles, but I have a better plan. The idea is to run around and get into a lot of serious trouble and then hold out my hand in front of relevant persons and say, “I forgive you,” all breathlessly and with sweet tears in my eyes. Maybe I’ll also tap their foreheads lightly and feed them wafers. Maybe I’ll wear a lot of loose white garments and hats and gold chains, too. Actually, maybe I’ll just work on forgiving myself first. I have a hard time forgiving myself for just about everything. Example: I’m smacking the side of my head over and over and over and over and over, I can’t stop(!), and over and over because I left all my groceries in the grocery store this morning. I paid for them and then I just walked out. Who does that, I ask you. Only an idiot. Only an idiot does that! Haha! Dammit!
Ouch, growing muscles hurts.
But seriously though I really need to learn how to let things go.
[1] My family.
[2] I have very little virtue! It’s true!!
[3] But I do love to share everything, come on over!
