The Love Song of R. Anica Dewdrop

tomoatmeal:

My pickup drives in the water.  I drove it in the water.  Everyone screamed.  I drove it into a tree and then I drove it through a campfire.

Do you want to die?  Then listen.

The truck is a real man’s truck.  I put things in the truck that aren’t supposed to be in a truck.  I put a sideways fridge in the truck.  The people at the store said that it’s not good for a fridge to be sideways.  

But it’s not good for a store to talk to me.

I put my neighbor’s opinion of late-night dining in the truck.  We were standing next to my truck and I asked him to tell me about late night dining and when he started talking, I used a plastic scoop to shovel his words into the truck.

Then I drove off, fast.  I drove through a river.  I drove through another fire that belonged to a family making s’mores. 

When I got home, I called my friend and asked him about late night dining to make sure I’d scooped it all in.  He repeated what he’d said earlier and so I ran over to the window and looked out at my truck.  It was empty!  My friend must have come over in the middle of the night and collected his opinion from the bed of my pickup!!!

I asked him to come over to my house and when he got there, I shot him dead on the driveway.

THE END.